Pleasure in Business
by Freethinker037
Summary: Garrus Vakarian is having a really good day. Find out why...


**A/N: Hello and welcome, ladies and gentlemen to my first ever foray into fanfiction... or any form of published literary writing, really. This is my first ever attempt, EVER! So please show mercy and be absolutely blunt, honest and to the point in your reviews. As this is my very first piece, I have low expectations on how many people actually view it. Anyway, without further a due, enjoy. Don't forget to favorite!**

Garrus Vakarian is currently the happiest turian alive. He is a well respected, high-ranking member of the turian military, he survived a brutal war, his friends and family have survived, he found the love of his life who happens to be a quarian admiral, Commander Shepard survived her ordeal with the crucible, and the Reapers are gone.

Indeed, life is good, but that's not why Garrus is happy. Not by a long shot.

Garrus is in a tank. A Very. Big. Tank.

Asked by Primarch Victus himself to pilot the experimental vehicle and to evaluate it, Garrus was only too happy to oblige; rarely does he get the chance to play with such fun toys. The tank, which had been dubbed "The Kildarin", was brought to an old ghost town a few hours outside of Cipritine, on Garrus' homeworld of Palaven where he can play to his heart's desire. Garrus knew better than to accept the so-called secret military testing story.

Oh no. This was clearly a fun day planned just for Garrus for being a good boy...at least that's what he believes in the perfect world of his imagination.

The small mining town of Vitisin was rundown and abandoned. It's been like this even before the invasion. Before the minerals were depleted, the town thrived. Now Vitisin has become a vehicle testing ground for spec-ops teams and experimental vehicle testing. It was a perfectly suitable location to test the Kildarin.

The Hierarchy's latest creation was magnificently large. A trait that greatly appealed to Garrus. In fact, the Kildarin seemed like an exaggerated variant of the Alliance's Mako... minus the crazy, red head driver. Two mass-accelerator cannons lie atop the tank on a rotating base. Four wheels adorn each end of it with all wheels capable of turning to aid agility. The Kildarin is skinned in Silaris ablating, similar to the Normandy's armor. All this was controlled through a gaggle of top-of-the-line computers and VIs. Despite all this, the vehicle was no marvel by any means but it wasn't meant to be. One of the main goals with the tank was to gather data on the concept of a brute force approach in comparison to tactics and strategy and to utilize the these two opposites as one. The strengths of both and the weaknesses of neither.

Non of this concerned Garrus. He's in a large and powerful tank, with twin, mounted cannons, blowing up a lot of drones, causing a lot of repairable collateral damage to the town while destroying said drones, and all while listening to a human song suggested to him by Joker and enjoying himself. Garrus tried to remember the song title as he ran over another drone. Was it 'down beneath'? By 'Males at work'? It didn't matter much to Garrus as he continued on his supervised rampage through Vitisin, repeatedly singing the last line of the song's chorus.

"You better run, you better take cover" Garrus sang, chuckling at the drones that continued to appear in his field of view. He was in love with the Kildarin and was glad that Tali wasn't here to witness his infatuation with it. He didn't want to make her jealous. She's not beyond sicking that drone of her's at him when she's angry. He doubts the scientists would let him hide inside the Kildarin.

"Alright, Garrus," came the voice of the chief scientist through the comms. "We have enough data for now. Bring her in."

And with that, the seemingly endless supply of drones had run dry, and Garrus' mood has been soured for the first time since this morning. No surprise, really. He knew it would end. No matter how much he wished he lived within his imagination, Garrus knew the fun had to end at sometime. Like a true child, however, he squeezed just that little bit more fun that he could out of his situation by driving straight through the buildings of Vitisin towards the town entrance where the scientists were, causing as much damage as turianly possible on the way.

Today was a good day for Garrus. He got the chance to check his military professionalism at the door and just be one big child, playing with a very big toy, on a very big playground. It has been a good day indeed. As things began to wind down, Garrus' childish side decided on a fitting prank in retaliation for his fun was put to an end. Before having to leave his beloved Kildarin, he parked the tank in the designated area and then started to play around with one of the vehicle's features. After everything was set up, Garrus climbed out of the Kildarin and thanked the scientists for the opportunity before he made for his appointment with the Normandy's shuttle.

Cortez was waiting for him in the Kodiak to one side of the site's entrance area. Garrus greeted him as he climbed aboard. "Had fun?" asked the shuttle pilot. Garrus replied with a chuckle and a sigh of satisfaction as he sat co-pilot. Steve just laughed and fired up the Kodiak.

Just as the shuttle lifted of the ground, Garrus told Steve to wait as he keyed the exterior cameras and aimed them at the harmless Kildarin before setting them to record. "Watch this." Said Garrus as he opened up his omni-tool and keyed the Kildarin's auto-pilot.

Garrus and Cortez watched as the scientists began to panic as the tank began to move towards the target Garrus had designated. With the controls locked, the scientists watched in shock as the Kildarin began to drive over and crush the lead scientist's skycar, completely obliterating it before stopping on top and shutting down, unlocking the systems to the scientists again.

"Now we can go." stated Garrus in satisfied voice with his mandibles flared in a big, turian grin. "I think you've been spending too much time with Joker..." said Cortez as he shook off his amazement and proceeded to fly the shuttle back to the Normandy.

"Was recording the whole thing really necessary?" Asked Steve.

"Yes." Came Garrus' reply before adding "Think of it as a souvenir from a great holiday."

Both Laughed at this and carried on the ride back with Garrus telling Cortez all about the Kildarin, despite the non-disclosure agreement that Garrus signed.

Best Holiday ever.


End file.
